day nine

Sorry for the lack of posts, life got a little hectic. So picking up where I left off....Things have not progressed with Joel, he went on a little vacation to Hawaii and I did not hear from him for like a week. Although I will say that when he came back he did start texting me again but he has yet to want to hang out or go on a date. I'm not really sure what I should do in this event but I am going to still follow it just to see what will happen. In other news, I went out last Saturday night with Hershey, we had a blast. I met a bartender at charlie's he was to say the least beautiful. He was single as I found out thanks to Hersh, but just my luck he informed me that he was giving up on guys for awhile. Ended that route real quick, to make things worst I was drunk and apparently posted an ad on craigslist under missed connections, trying to connect with him. Why is it that when we go out to bars the best looking guys who we seem to have connections with are always taken or giving up. I find myself constantly either trying to date a guy who is one of the above or I find myself being hit on by guys who either are to say the least not attractive or looking for a quick fling. Am I destined to be stuck with those as my choices?

day eight

So its been a few days, but my luck is still at non. I have decided to take it a little slower and not push so much towards dating and work more on a friendship, that will grow. Speaking of friendships, my friend Joel is still very confusing me, we talked every day this weekend for about 4-5 hours every night. The big thing that confused me, was last Friday he told me that he was going on a date. The night came and he started texting me and the next thing i knew it was around midnight so i decided to ask him about his date. He very casually said this was more fun and that he didn't really want to go on the date anyways. What? I was taken aback for a moment by this, here i was thinking he was just humoring me by always talking to me but then he cancels a date just to chat with me, who does that? Then i felt bad because if he doesn't like me and he still blew off his date to talk to me, that's not fair to Joel or his date. I just kind of let it go and didn't ask or say anything about it, I'm just scared now, was that my opening, was that his way of saying hey i have fun with you lets go out. I'm trying to convince myself not to look into it so much, but its hard not to, i really like him. But with that said I'm still going to slow down and look for friends. But where do I start looking for friends?

day seven

What is wrong with me? I seem to attract all the guys I'm not attracted to, like today. I'm at queensoopers, and this meat head comes up to me at starts grunting, not really but that's what I picture he was doing. Has the nerve to tell me I have a sweet ass and that I should give him my number. I thought to myself, wow the steroids must have cut off the blood flow to his brain. How is someone suppose to respond to that, if I speak what I'm thinking then I'm a shallow bitch, if I'm nice and decline, half of them don't get it and continue to try. I mean don't get me wrong I took it as a compliment, but really who does that. To make things even worst today, I checked one of my dating sites on my way home and find myself with a very brief message, and I quote "you name must be hottie". I snapped, I'm sick of guys trying to find cheesy lines to try to pick me up, and try to sleep with me. It's not gonna happen, especially with those pick up line. I couldn't help myself, I replied as follows, " really, that is how you are going to start a conversation, try hello next time, who does that". Was I being harsh? All this modern dating is giving me a headache, what ever happened to old fashion love, like in the movies. Is it to much to ask that you can hold a conversation? It leaves me wondering does movie love exsist or is it something we must leave fantasy?

day six

So I have this friend Joel, he's not really a friend, we just used to work together for a couple months. We actually didn't even speak for a couple years because I didn't even know him that well. Well last year I ran into him on the android Grindr app for gay dating, and we started talking again and even started talking a lot. I have a huge thing for him but he doesn't know it, I'm sure by now you have figured out I'm a very shy person when it comes to guys. But that's not the point, we talk almost everyday, not about anything specific just talk, its kind of nice. He's a really great guy good head on his shoulders and a great job and even really good looking. How do i go about taking it further, or how do i even let him know that i like him? I though about telling him once but right before i built up the nerve to do so, he started telling me about a date he was going on, i found out the next day that it didn't work out, but by that time i had lost my nerve and we just started talking again. The only reason I'm bringing this up is we spent about fours last night talking on Grindr, again it was about anything specific, we just talked about our day and what we were doing this weekend. At first when we were doing this i thought he was just being friendly after all we are friends, but now i don't know. What is a guy to do?

day five

I'm distressed, I've been talking with friends about where and how I should start dating. One of them tells me to join sugardaddy.com, that's what shes on. I almost considered it in a jokingly manner but I'm sorry to inform you, that's just not my cup of tea. Another tells me to start looking on craigslist,I will admit I created an ad on craigslist last night, I go twelve responses, all telling me how hot i was and how i should come over for sexual favors. I swear I'm starting to think it is impossible to date in Denver, or at least it is as a gay man. On a good note Mimi and the bouncer from Xbar got together yesterday, she said it was nice they really just hung out and talked, if i know Mimi that code for they got it on. No but seriously I'm happy that she was able to at least meet someone. That just leaves me and Hearshey, I dint know if i ever told you about Hershey. Shes a great very good looking lesbian gal pal I have, she kind of reminds me of an asian, younger version of Ellen. Hershey is so out going she has no issues talking to girls me on the other hand, i have issues talking to guys, not all guys just guys i like. I know i just started this whole dating thing again but I'm starting to feel like i should give up already, am i just destined to be that crazy old gay guy that's living with way to many cats?

day four

Still no word from the bartender/waiter at Attivo, things are not looking good with that connection. It makes me wonder if guys like more direct connection, also if he was straight do you think I bugged him out or he took it as a compliment. I found out yesterday that Mimi actually had been luck than anyone at Xbar, going home with the bouncers number. How is it that three friends, one gay, one lesbian and one straight, can go to a gay bar and the only one that gets a number is the straight friend. I'm actually kind of glad I didn't meet anyone that night. I'm not sure the best place to meet a potential partner is in a crowded drunken room of homo's. So how should I go about this, I have joined several gay dating sites, with very little luck. Most of the responses I get online are looking for hookups, even if I clearly state no to them in my profile. I have found that most online gay dating sites are not actual dating sites they are hookup sites. I'm sure at some point they were actually designed to be dating sites, but lets face the facts most gay guys are looking for hookups. Now this is my own opinion so if you don't agree with it than I apologize for this, we are all entitled to our own opinion. So what is a single gay male suppose to do to find love, is it even possible with the online environment we have created, or am I destined to be lost trying.

day three

Saturday was a complete bust, and a bit of an embarrassment. First off around 7pm I went down early to Attivo again to have some drinks before I met up with Mimi and Hershey. I was to nervous to talk to the bartender/waiter, so I started drinking hoping I would relax a bit and be able to talk with him. After five glasses of wine and a good buzz I still hadn't built up enough courage to go talk to him even though we kept making eye contact, I even got a little smile. Finally around 8pm my crew showed up and begin to encourage me to go talk to him but I chickened out. While we were hanging out I discovered two things, one Mimi did not think he was cute, and two Hershey made a joke that he looked like a pedophile, lol so not true. Hershey eventually being the person she was called him over to the table to talk, me being the person I am I simply kept drinking with out speaking. Nothing came of it and we were getting ready to leave when Hershey gave our waiter my phone number and told him to give it to the bartender, I have not heard from him and now fear going back to Attivo out of rejection, why did I have to ruin a great place to eat. I did try to save the night as we left and went to dance at Xbar, by then I was so drunk that I just kept ordering drinks and having fun. It was until the next day that I found out that I apparently made out with some old guy, not that he was really old just older than what I am. Why is it that in drunken states we always seem to make out with old people. Needless to say I didn't meet anyone that night and in fact took a step back by loosing out on the one guy I thought was amazing and by making out with an old guy. I guess that's why we have the saying learn from out mistakes. Ill keep you posted.